sueprogress - Monday, May 07, 2007 9:43:05 PM

It's been an okay past three days, and I am grateful for that. Peter's birthday was Saturday, and we enjoyed a dinner out with friends. I actually enjoyed the meal, and felt like a partner, friend, and mother again. Maybe the birthday fairy was helping us out. We certainly can use every bit of magic that's available.these days.

That being said, I go through periods of high anxiety now and then, particularly in the afternoons when the structure of the day is over.I start painting in my mind the worst scenario of what the next several weeks will be like, and worry about my ability to cope. I'm learning, however, that each day is different. Just because a spot in my throat was throbbing yersterday does not necessarily mean it will be worse tommorow. And so far, the liquid Tylenol is taking care of the discomfort. No need for Percocet yet.

I'm loosing my ability to taste in the last several days and this is a significant loss. Many foods taste really bland, or if they have even a little spice, they're too spicey to eat. And if the food is dry, it does'nt make it down my thoat very successfully. But I am still able to eat soft and moist foods, and gained 1/2 pounds this week, which the treators were happy about. I used to look at women with slim, perfectly proportioned bodies with envy. Now I look at those who are overweight, and wish they could transfer 15 pounds to me.I wouldn't have to work so hard at eating if this was possible.

I feel so lucky to be working with the acupuncturist, Evelyn. She does the Japanese treatment on my neck to draw the heat out. She is incredibly committed to helping me through, and sees me 4-5 times per week, including weekends. Since her husband recently went through a very similar treatment for tongue cancer, she's constantly sharing bits and pieces about what was helpful to him ( foods he could eat, meds that helped, a mouthwash he liked, etc.). Makes me feel a lot less helpless.

Started up chemo again this AM. They're trying a different, long-acting anti- nausea med that helped another youngish woman, and so far I'm feeling quite well. I HOPE, HOPE, HOPE this round of chemo will be easier.